Somebody Else's Contemplations
Aug. 27th, 2012 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aaaaaaaagh_skyIt's stupid. It's so damn stupid.
Doing your job well is- well, it's important, duh. You'd do your best at any assignment. That's the point, right? What's the point of serving the Brotherhood if you can't do it really, really, really well? Might as well just- oh, turn in the red robes and go see if they're hiring in Rivet City or something. Or Megaton, there's guns there in need of service, you could make a living- ANYWAY. That's not important. The fact that you do your job and you do it well, that's something you've always done. Always been proud of.
But, you know, there was that hwoorf and that BANG and later that day Paladin 101 came to you and asked, really nicely, if you were okay. Not just 'status report, Scribe Cancio', but, 'hey, are you all right? How're you holding up?'. So you told her you were better than you'd been, which was true. The whole, you know. Thing. The cold sweats and the wanting to go around back of the factory and heave in the dumpster where nobody could see you. That part was over. You weren't fine but you were better, so you told her that in all honesty, and she smiled at you and asked in this really almost embarrassed tone, of all things, if you wouldn't mind looking over that rifle of hers. Something about it having nearly kicked out her shoulder even if it did save your hide. Didn't hear the details. Probably should've. Too much trying not to jump in the air and knock your heels together (that's harder than it looks in the books) and cackle with glee. Because that gun. That gun. You were- you got to take it into the workroom and take it apart and put it back together and you didn't even have to ask.
You knew right from the start that you were going to give it back to 101 in better shape than when she'd handed it over. Duh. Stupid thing to even have to specify, of course you were going to improve that thing's condition. That's what you were here for, right? Yeah. The weapons, all of them. Hers, the Initiates', the ones they'd build as emplaced turrets, the robots' built-in lasers. All of them. That's why Peabody sent you. Went without saying.
But, you know.
This gun... they don't make them like this any more. Nobody else at the Citadel has anything like it, anything even remotely close. She does. 101 just- she dropped that deathclaw in its tracks, just like that, like it was the easiest thing in the world. With this gun. When the Outcasts came to the factory she was up on the roof, with this gun, watching them and waiting and making absolutely sure they weren't moving on the factory, making sure everyone here was safe for the next minute, and the next and the next. You've seen her with the Gatling laser and that plasma rifle of hers and Mjolnir- which, by the way, she wields like she was born with it on her shoulder, never mind that it's nearly as long as she is tall. And that is a fine sight to see all in itself. But this gun, this particular one, this one is hers and she saved your life with it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. And then she handed it to you, and she smiled at you, and-
It's so damned stupid. She'd have done it for anyone. You know she'd have done the same for anyone in danger. She'd be a lousy Paladin if she didn't. And you're- it's an Order thing, you're Order of the Sword, you're supposed to fix people's guns, she'd have handed it to Scribe Herzog if he'd been here instead of you and Herzog is old enough to be her grandfather. It's nothing, it's what she was supposed to do.
But, you know... she asked how you were, and she smiled at you. And, you know, you can't find a single damn thing wrong with this gun now that you've stripped and rebuilt it three times over. It's just fine. She asked you to look it over even though-
It was probably just something to keep you from wigging out about the Deathclaw any further. Yeah. She hasn't been a Paladin long but that's the kind of thing decent combat commanders do. Give their people duties to distract them from trauma until they calm down. That makes sense. That's all it was.
(But nobody ever said a combat commander had to smile at you like that.)
Anyway, you've got a job to do. You owe 101 your life. You're going to do that job extra well. She deserves it.
... God, you can't even convince yourself, can you. It's so damn stupid.
Doing your job well is- well, it's important, duh. You'd do your best at any assignment. That's the point, right? What's the point of serving the Brotherhood if you can't do it really, really, really well? Might as well just- oh, turn in the red robes and go see if they're hiring in Rivet City or something. Or Megaton, there's guns there in need of service, you could make a living- ANYWAY. That's not important. The fact that you do your job and you do it well, that's something you've always done. Always been proud of.
But, you know, there was that hwoorf and that BANG and later that day Paladin 101 came to you and asked, really nicely, if you were okay. Not just 'status report, Scribe Cancio', but, 'hey, are you all right? How're you holding up?'. So you told her you were better than you'd been, which was true. The whole, you know. Thing. The cold sweats and the wanting to go around back of the factory and heave in the dumpster where nobody could see you. That part was over. You weren't fine but you were better, so you told her that in all honesty, and she smiled at you and asked in this really almost embarrassed tone, of all things, if you wouldn't mind looking over that rifle of hers. Something about it having nearly kicked out her shoulder even if it did save your hide. Didn't hear the details. Probably should've. Too much trying not to jump in the air and knock your heels together (that's harder than it looks in the books) and cackle with glee. Because that gun. That gun. You were- you got to take it into the workroom and take it apart and put it back together and you didn't even have to ask.
You knew right from the start that you were going to give it back to 101 in better shape than when she'd handed it over. Duh. Stupid thing to even have to specify, of course you were going to improve that thing's condition. That's what you were here for, right? Yeah. The weapons, all of them. Hers, the Initiates', the ones they'd build as emplaced turrets, the robots' built-in lasers. All of them. That's why Peabody sent you. Went without saying.
But, you know.
This gun... they don't make them like this any more. Nobody else at the Citadel has anything like it, anything even remotely close. She does. 101 just- she dropped that deathclaw in its tracks, just like that, like it was the easiest thing in the world. With this gun. When the Outcasts came to the factory she was up on the roof, with this gun, watching them and waiting and making absolutely sure they weren't moving on the factory, making sure everyone here was safe for the next minute, and the next and the next. You've seen her with the Gatling laser and that plasma rifle of hers and Mjolnir- which, by the way, she wields like she was born with it on her shoulder, never mind that it's nearly as long as she is tall. And that is a fine sight to see all in itself. But this gun, this particular one, this one is hers and she saved your life with it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. And then she handed it to you, and she smiled at you, and-
It's so damned stupid. She'd have done it for anyone. You know she'd have done the same for anyone in danger. She'd be a lousy Paladin if she didn't. And you're- it's an Order thing, you're Order of the Sword, you're supposed to fix people's guns, she'd have handed it to Scribe Herzog if he'd been here instead of you and Herzog is old enough to be her grandfather. It's nothing, it's what she was supposed to do.
But, you know... she asked how you were, and she smiled at you. And, you know, you can't find a single damn thing wrong with this gun now that you've stripped and rebuilt it three times over. It's just fine. She asked you to look it over even though-
It was probably just something to keep you from wigging out about the Deathclaw any further. Yeah. She hasn't been a Paladin long but that's the kind of thing decent combat commanders do. Give their people duties to distract them from trauma until they calm down. That makes sense. That's all it was.
(But nobody ever said a combat commander had to smile at you like that.)
Anyway, you've got a job to do. You owe 101 your life. You're going to do that job extra well. She deserves it.
... God, you can't even convince yourself, can you. It's so damn stupid.