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Mar. 28th, 2013 01:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aaaaaaaagh_skyHi, Mom.
This is kind of weird for me. I haven't tried to write you a letter since Dad found out about me believing in the Long Tunnel. But he's gone, and Reverend Avellone's gone, and as nice as Knight-Captain Colvin is I don't think I can talk about this to him. So I thought of you instead.
Not that I don't love Dad too. But I don't think this is a dad thing.
And I don't really want to ask *him* what I should think about anything. I love him but he - never mind. It's not important.
you probably already know, anyway.
I don't know how much you know, but... I joined the Brotherhood of Steel, Mom. I didn't plan to at first. I'm not sure what I planned, except to get out of the Vault and find Dad, and then to try to help him with the water purifier. But after Dad died and we fought the Enclave all the way back to the purifier, I nearly died. My friend Fawkes saved my life and the Brotherhood looked after me after that, the whole time I was in a coma. And when Elder Lyons said they'd let me join as a Knight if I wanted to, I didn't know what else I should do. There was just so much world and nobody was going to tell me I had to do anything any more. But they'd been good to you and Dad, and they'd helped me, and I owed them, and they'd always been good to me and they'd never lied to me. So I said yes.
And it turns out I'm really, really good at it.
I've been fighting for them since we took back the purifier. We've been distributing your water. I've done a lot of caravan guarding to make sure the water gets where it should go. I've broken up raider gangs and I've tracked people down because the Brotherhood needed me to, even if the orders to do it were stupid sometimes. I've fought in a lot of battles, big ones and small ones, and I've done a lot of other things for them. I've gotten people to build wind turbines and robots, and I've freed a bunch of slaves. And-
Mom, I"m really sorry, but I've killed a lot of people.
You and Dad were scientists. Dr. Li confirmed that, at least (I'm sorry, but Dad kind of made it hard for me to trust anything he said about you ever). You were trying to save lives and improve others by making the water of the Wasteland safe again. Dad used to tell me that he hoped I'd follow in his footsteps one day but that he'd love me anyway no matter what I wound up doing and being good at. And he did tell me he was proud of me, before the end. So that's something. What I do as a soldier- I'm a Paladin now, for whatever that's worth- I'm doing that because I'm trying to protect people, and to make their lives better and safer. And it turns out that the way I'm best able to do that for people is to make absolutely sure that the people who *threaten* the rest of the Wasteland never, ever get the chance to do that ever again.
I'm not sure if you'd be proud of me for that. For wanting the right thing, I think so, and for being willing to get into danger to protect people, I'm pretty sure you'd be proud of that. I just-
I picked up a warrior's weapon today. I had to use it in a duel. I cracked a woman's ribs and sent her flying with it. I found out afterwards that it was an intelligent weapon, and that it wouldn't have let me pick it up if I weren't worthy. It only lets the right kind of warrior use it, Thor said. Honorable and valiant and forthright to the core, was how he put it. Which is kind of amazing because I never really thought of any of those things, but I'd guess he'd know, considering he uses that weapon every day himself.
I like to think those are all good things and that I've done a good job of becoming a person of my own since Dad died. I know I've become a really good soldier at this point. I just don't know if that's what *you'd* have wanted of me.
I hope it is. Even with everything else it means. It's not anything at all like being a doctor or a life-saving scientist, but I hope it's worth something to you.
Thanks, Mom.
-Ellen
Paladin 101, Capital Wasteland Brotherhood of Steel
This is kind of weird for me. I haven't tried to write you a letter since Dad found out about me believing in the Long Tunnel. But he's gone, and Reverend Avellone's gone, and as nice as Knight-Captain Colvin is I don't think I can talk about this to him. So I thought of you instead.
Not that I don't love Dad too. But I don't think this is a dad thing.
And I don't really want to ask *him* what I should think about anything. I love him but he - never mind. It's not important.
you probably already know, anyway.
I don't know how much you know, but... I joined the Brotherhood of Steel, Mom. I didn't plan to at first. I'm not sure what I planned, except to get out of the Vault and find Dad, and then to try to help him with the water purifier. But after Dad died and we fought the Enclave all the way back to the purifier, I nearly died. My friend Fawkes saved my life and the Brotherhood looked after me after that, the whole time I was in a coma. And when Elder Lyons said they'd let me join as a Knight if I wanted to, I didn't know what else I should do. There was just so much world and nobody was going to tell me I had to do anything any more. But they'd been good to you and Dad, and they'd helped me, and I owed them, and they'd always been good to me and they'd never lied to me. So I said yes.
And it turns out I'm really, really good at it.
I've been fighting for them since we took back the purifier. We've been distributing your water. I've done a lot of caravan guarding to make sure the water gets where it should go. I've broken up raider gangs and I've tracked people down because the Brotherhood needed me to, even if the orders to do it were stupid sometimes. I've fought in a lot of battles, big ones and small ones, and I've done a lot of other things for them. I've gotten people to build wind turbines and robots, and I've freed a bunch of slaves. And-
Mom, I"m really sorry, but I've killed a lot of people.
You and Dad were scientists. Dr. Li confirmed that, at least (I'm sorry, but Dad kind of made it hard for me to trust anything he said about you ever). You were trying to save lives and improve others by making the water of the Wasteland safe again. Dad used to tell me that he hoped I'd follow in his footsteps one day but that he'd love me anyway no matter what I wound up doing and being good at. And he did tell me he was proud of me, before the end. So that's something. What I do as a soldier- I'm a Paladin now, for whatever that's worth- I'm doing that because I'm trying to protect people, and to make their lives better and safer. And it turns out that the way I'm best able to do that for people is to make absolutely sure that the people who *threaten* the rest of the Wasteland never, ever get the chance to do that ever again.
I'm not sure if you'd be proud of me for that. For wanting the right thing, I think so, and for being willing to get into danger to protect people, I'm pretty sure you'd be proud of that. I just-
I picked up a warrior's weapon today. I had to use it in a duel. I cracked a woman's ribs and sent her flying with it. I found out afterwards that it was an intelligent weapon, and that it wouldn't have let me pick it up if I weren't worthy. It only lets the right kind of warrior use it, Thor said. Honorable and valiant and forthright to the core, was how he put it. Which is kind of amazing because I never really thought of any of those things, but I'd guess he'd know, considering he uses that weapon every day himself.
I like to think those are all good things and that I've done a good job of becoming a person of my own since Dad died. I know I've become a really good soldier at this point. I just don't know if that's what *you'd* have wanted of me.
I hope it is. Even with everything else it means. It's not anything at all like being a doctor or a life-saving scientist, but I hope it's worth something to you.
Thanks, Mom.
-Ellen
Paladin 101, Capital Wasteland Brotherhood of Steel